word/nerdfest (part 2)

my second day at the conference was a return to reality. for one thing, i was pretty exhausted. (i know, after just one day of schmoozing!) and then there was the inevitable 180 in my attitude: i went from convention cheerleader to an outsider who wanted something less...conventional.

i arrived in the morning, pretty thrilled that there were three classes that focused on poetry that day, including one called "how to become a successful poet" -- rhetorically appropriate for a conference, also a good joke. i mean, there are very very few successful poets (remember, only 12 that can afford to attend this convention). ha! funny.

i hit the first class of my day. it was all about how to get your poetry published this year, and it was lead by a few of the folks that i'd met the day before. so, i felt very comfortable joining in the conversation even if caffeine hadn't yet done its job to wake me up.

i have to admit that a lot of the advice was common sense, but once and awhile a great tip would float out there for me to grab. after hearing for a second time that it would take 100-200 submissions to magazines, journals and competitions per month in order to really start creating momentum toward publication, i learned the lesson: i need to approach poetry as if it were a full-time job.

at the next class, i packed myself into a room overflowing with fiction and non-fiction writers, there to get the scoop from a very well-respected editor. and this is when i became depressed. wait, scratch that -- i was jealous! -- that i was not a fiction or non-fiction writer. damn them, and their real hopes for publication! damn them, so smugly wrapped in their warm blanket of potential!

my bad attitude was ridiculous and thankfully short-lived. because all creative writers are truly screwed. the few that are published and have contracts often have to promote their own books, without any of the big budgets we imagine a publisher might have and use. things have changed in publishing, i know that first hand, having worked in the industry for a little while. everyone has had to adapt the way they do business. i guess poets have always been DIY, and so perhaps are more prepared for today's publishing reality.

i mean, if anything, it's easier now than ever to do our work and maintain control over our visions. i bet there's more bad (and great) poetry being published now than ever before. self-publishing is cheap, and yes, there are chapbooks, or even blogs to carry the words aloft when paper is not possible. so there's hope for poets, too.

but i digress.

lunch was a blur of bad salmon, scholarship picture taking (ack!) set to the tune of the longest, dullest keynote speech you can imagine. i was slightly ecstatic to get back to classes. next up:  "how to become a successful poet."

they opened the class acknowledging that the concept of a successful was funny, even impossible. what was success as a poet? we spent a lot of the class flailing around before dreams congealed into something tangible. the most successful poets make a living at their art. that's all. and that's really a lot.

that class was the perfect way to end the conference. i'd found a good horizon to focus on, some kind folks to wander there with, and that was really all i'd wanted to achieve from the experience.

walking toward bart, i realized that the chinese new year parade was getting started. it's the year of the hare. wow, life is just endlessly inspiring...

word/nerdfest (part 1)

i'm back from the sf writer's conference! and oh, i loved it. it was at times a little overwhelming, but in the very best way possible. it's been a long time since i have learned so much in just two days, and met so many people that were serious word nerds.

the first thing that i learned: poets are totally in the minority at writer's conferences. it's easy to understand why that's the case: not only is it expensive to attend, but the one reason most writers are at the conference -- to meet an agent and get a book deal -- doesn't apply for poets. an agent won't represent a poet unless they're already very well-known. i guess they want to reinforce the "tortured poet" stereotype?

i was one of about 20 poets in attendance, so i considered myself lucky to meet two sf poets who were there to present, albert flynn desilver and joan gelfand. both were generous enough to share their tips and personal experiences, and made me feel like one of the tribe. thanks to them for their warm welcome!

another real highlight of that first day was author dorothy allison's keynote speech. she was purely amazing. i read her first book, bastard out of carolina, way back in college, and her personality is as unforgettable as her prose. 

part of her speech was about the transformation that takes place when we're validated as artists, using american idol (!!!) as her example. evidently, she and her son wolf (by her own admission, "a turkey baster baby") had been watching the show for years, but just the first few weeks of the show, as they weed out contestants during auditions. they loved to watch the worst auditions and made fun of those passionate but talentless singers. 

recently, while on the road, she found herself watching a later episode of idol...after contestants have been groomed, had coaching, and found their stride on stage. she was shocked by the contrast she saw between the audition phase and afterwards. the validation received by their peers, by people in the audience, had made these everyday people into artists. 

i'm paraphrasing here, but her message was to ignore the condemnations one suffers from being an artist, and remember to give yourself and your community the same validation as those folks on american idol.  

it seems like an obvious message, but it was what many folks really needed to hear. she totally disarmed us -- all of us in our nice clothes, making professional and kindly conversation, eating gooped-up chicken and day-old rice off of the hotel's china. it was absolutely silent. i'm happy to report that, for once, i wasn't the only one choking back the tears! (ahh, writers...)

she took our minds off our writerly aspirations, the focus on publishing and success...and put it back onto something bigger. to remember to lift each other up, support and validate ourselves, and the community through our work. 

of course she got a standing ovation. 

b*

[stay tuned for part 2!]

sf writer's conference + a love letter

i'm starting to get a little nervous.

a few weeks ago, i got some very good news -- i'd won the Victoria A. Hudson Scholarship for poetry, which means that i get to attend the sf writer's conference this weekend (feb 18-20)! so, i've been writing, writing, writing and getting ready to make the most of it.

though i've been to a few tradeshows in my time, i don't know exactly what to expect from a conference full of other right-brained creative types. will every session start late? or, instead of attending session will we all just go to the on-site cafe and talk shop? college classes are evidently the only reference i have!

whatever happens during the next two days, it's sure to be a fun time -- all of these unknowns, and a lot of opportunity. i'm so thankful that there are people out there like victoria hudson (who is aligned with the conference, i believe) that support new writers who may not be able to make this step toward meeting industry folks or publication on their own. her scholarship has really motivated me, and given me more confidence in myself, even though i've always had ray's support. sometimes it takes a stranger to push us forward.

ray has been a sincere advocate of my writing ever since he found journals stuffed under my bed five years ago and read them on the sly. (raaaaay!!!)

but that intervention was the start of something. at first, i didn't understand: how was it possible to write creatively full-time? i have to admit, at the time i was afraid to look away from the paycheck, being a sort-of career-minded bay area person who knows that they had to make ends meet. but he made me see the value of my writing, and that made this transition possible. and so, this new life!

thank you to ray and victoria for all that you do, and to my family and friends for their constant big love.

off to the conference!
b*

your first poetry postcard

hello all,
i've finally started a blog, and it's about time.

it's been almost impossible to keep you updated on my writing -- here's an easy way for you to check in and read a little when you have the time. it's like a poetry postcard, a snapshot of where i am at the moment. now, if only it arrived grimy, with stamps...

...okay, i'll have to work on that! in the meantime, let me know what you think.
love,
b*